Thursday, Jul. 08, 2004 at 8:50 p.m.
I'm so frustrated with myself! There are so many things I want to do with this life and I feel like every day is wasted! I want to write, travel, make new friends, just BE HAPPY! Am I doing any of them? NO! Why? Why am I not spending the time I need to, to attain these things? Is it because I don't have the time? No, because if it's something you love, there is always time. Is it because I don't have the money? No, because none of them would have to involve money necessarily. Is it because I'm afraid of failure? yes. I think if I try to write something, it will come out a huge jumbled up mess. I don't really think I have the skills to write anything! I'd like to see lots of places in my lifetime and I'm almost 30, yet I've got a long way to go to seeing all I want to see. I don't go out of my way to make new friends...I'm scared to be denied. I'm scared they will get to know me and walk away not interested. It's happened so many times. Being happy is an ingredient I need in my life. I can't think back to a time when I was really happy. What is wrong with me???