Oriental Simplicity

The Bottom?

Wednesday, Apr. 07, 2004 at 10:44 a.m.

What can I do for myself to be able to get thru the day? I'm having a hard time finding anything that does that for me. When that time comes, what does a person do? Do they just give up? I know I have some things to be happy about..I have a roof over my head, a car that runs..but there comes a time when that's not enough. I don't feel like I'm a good person, I know deep down I'm not. I'm selfish, spiteful, jealous and many more bad things, I'm sure. When people joke around and say things, they don't realize I know I am those things: Fat, unfriendly, naive, stupid. People scoff and say, "You're not fat." I am overweight. True, I only need to lose about 35 lbs but it still doesn't mean I'm not fat. I am having shoulder, knee and feet problems and I dont know if its because of the extra weight or something else. I don't have many friends left and I'm sure its because I've pushed them away with my insecurities. Where does it stop? When do I hit bottom and wake up one day to become someone else or something better? I just don't know anymore...I dont know where to go for help or who to talk to. I feel stuck in so many ways. I'm so scared right now.

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